Helpless

7 days after finding out my husband lost his job after 21 years and I feel like I want to throw up, I am mad, sad, hurt, and...oh hell I don't know.....whatever else you can think of, I feel just like that.

What a horrible feeling, we had no control over it, it had nothing to do with his work, he was the longest standing there and trained them all over the years. What a hard pill to swallow.

My head constantly hurts, I have this pit of pain in my stomach that constantly hurts at any given moment I could crumble into tears. What the hell is wrong with me? I've been through job loss before, no big deal right? Wrong. It is a big deal, his job has always been there, has always been the dependable one.

I have this weight on my chest, I cannot take a deep breath, I feel light headed. My body feels week, I'm tired and I want to stuff my face with chocolate bars and chips and popcorn and Coke.

My neck hurts, I cannot stop looking at all of the job websites expecting a perfect job that he likes will fall into our laps.

He wants to be picky, he wants choices......I want him to work and earn a paycheck!

We are from 2 different worlds.

I know this happens everyday to people, but I never once thought it would be us (him).

He has applied to every applicable job I can force him to apply to, I want him to call people, visit offices, put his name and face out there, but anyone who knows him knows that isn't him at all.

I feel helpless, and out of control.