Its gettin' HOT in here

Wow! My office is very hot already.

What a day this is going to be.....yikes!

Everyone try to stay cool, today is going to be over the top!

M-I-A

I am waiting for a text from my friend April to say she has arrived in the city and will soon be at my office. It has been forever since I've seen her, the last time I saw her was sometime in February!

I know since February, its been forever.

She still isn't feeling good, her tumour has her feeling terrible and she can't drive herself now, although the doctors will not remove it until it gets to a certain size. How frustrating, when she feels so crappy, it has lasted forever, she can't be her normal self and do normal every day things.

When a person gets any kind of sickness at all that lasts they sure do fall into a lot of problems and sitting and waiting on the medical profession to actually take action! It really sucks when your the person living this hell and family included.

So back to my excitement about her coming.......I wish she'd just call already!!!!

I have missed her so much, talking on the phone and texting and stuff is great but not the same as seeing someone, even only for a quick minute.

We never got to have our birthday dinners or anything :(

We are exchanging B-day gifts, gifts from our friend Lisa who was in Egypt who brought us both some nice goodies......I am just so happy to be seeing her!!

Yeah me!

Holy!

Why should it be so hard to go on vacation and even harder to catch up when you come back? It is day 4 of my return and I can finally breathe.

Did I mention after only being gone 2 weeks I am whiped right out, tired as hell.

I wonder if its because I'm working extra harder this week? Should that entitle me to double the pay?

I'll have to inquire about that?

Totally

Totally what?

Heck I don't know. I am totally sorry my vacation time is almost at the end.

I am totally sorry I have wait another 2 weeks before my dad has his biopsy and I see he is so sad it makes me want to cry, he also looks sicker than he was, can the mind play such nasty tricks on you? I see it, the others do not.

Am I totally sorry I have no family to talk to this about? Hell yeah

My time as coaching ball this summer ends on Sunday, another thing gone for another year.

I have all of the school supplies and clothing purchased and I don't want to hang it up or put it away.

I am totally something.....

from this day forward.....

Here I sit at a such a sense of loss I feel like I've been punched in the gut and left for dead. The news I was told late last evening has kept me awake most of the night tossing and turning and thinking, all I do is think and my brain is going to explode, it will not turn off about what I should do, should say, shouldn't do, shouldn't say, I have not a clue. I do know I have to stand up and deal with what the coming months have in store for me, regardless how heavy my heart is.

My father is being scheduled for another biopsy on his throat, 11 years later and here we sit again at the same time of year. 1 day before my vacation. I had the same reaction as I did then, although the information the doctor gave us 11 years ago is as clear in mind as it was the day he told it to me.

He said we were very lucky to have detected it in its early stages because people with throat cancer rarely survive, radiation is the only form of treatment unfortunately we can only perform radiation 1 time on the same spot, the likelyhood of it returning is very high if he does not quit smoking. The next time he won't be so lucky.

Here we sit again, waiting for a call from the hospital for him to go in for a biopsy, I know I may be jumping the gun but I've expected this news for many years, it has been laying low hoping I would forget, but I haven't.

Mom & Dad leaned on me a lot last time, I went to every doctors appointment, the doctors would call me after hours to answer any concerns or questions anyone had, I was his voice he didn't have. The day they made the plaster cast in Saint John to prepare for his radiation we sat there and watched, we drove him to Saint John on Sunday evenings and dropped him off to the hostile for his week of radiation and every week was like the first day of dropping your child off at daycare, it hurt every time. I do want to point out 1 or 2 siblings took him or picked him up a couple of times.

They have once again asked me to be the "spokesperson" for all appointments and doctors information in order to get it correct and not miss anything. *sigh* do I feel stressed and given too much responsibilty? Hell Yes. Do I think I can handle it again? I have no choice, everyone else would prefer nothing is really wrong and he's tough as nails and will out live us all. I'm sorry but that isn't true either.

So before I tear up again......I'll finish this post.