What is Normal?

I am asking myself am I normal? No probably not but what is normal anyway?

Am I normal sometimes? Are you normal sometimes? Does anyone know what that is?

How do we guage what is suppose to be "normal"? From our teachings in life right?

How do we know what we are teaching our children is right? At what point is it wrong? Who made it wrong, if other people are doing and its wrong, why are "they" doing it? Is it so wrong to them? Apparently not?

Who decided long ago there is right and wrong? Adam & Eve? She was told not to touch the apple, she did, she was wrong, but she did it anyway, she eventually hooked back up with Adam.....how wrong was it? Adam got over it?

Life is Hard

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."

Author: Maya Angelou

This is my new motto, since I'm in a constant crisis mode and have decided my new title is "Little Miss Fix it All" I've decided this quote above says it all.

Hubby and I have surmised (sp?) that instead of every village needs an idiot my family is the village of idiots!

I know harsh but damn I guess my mother needed all 5 times to get it right, practice does make perfect!

Why is people don't think? Logically I mean, why don't people ask questions, get answers and WHY the hell do they ask the biggest village idiot of all then tell me I'm wrong?

Hello? Why do you run to me when life gets tough? Cuz little ol' Miss Fix it All will come to the rescue and get R done!

So since I explained how Little Miss Fix it All operates and that when I speak you do as I tell you do to and everything will go according to plan life improves.

Damn people, once you realize seeing things my way is the best way we'll all get along!

Life is Short

So the roller coaster of life continues at our home, I hate roller coasters and I'm ready to get off!

First off, I blame the stress I'm under for me getting a head cold and I feel terrilbe I've missed 2 days of work because of it. Good grief it sucks when you cannot breath!

Secondly what do you do when your best friend tells you the doctors think she has brain cancer? Yeah what do say to that? ........my thoughts exactly. What did I end up doing? I told her to remember they diagnosed her with 4 other major things that they ended up being wrong with so there are higher chances they are wrong again....although in your own mind you've been kind of wondering it all along..........that was Friday, today it was found out from her spinal fluid that she does NOT have cancerous cells (Hallehleulah - sp?) Thank you God!

Although that does not end the story here.........Doctors have confessed today that they have not one sweet clue what she has and is going to go to Saint John possibly next week. In the meantime, she can go home and get her kids off to school. Even though she has a mother of a headache from her 2nd lumbar puncture and they are "hoping" it will subside.....um yeah subside......the woman can't sit up...but whatever, she can lay in her own bed at home for that matter!

The doctor is so stumped that he went ahead and sent all of her tests to Halifax as well, he doesn't think SJ will have any better ideas than he has had so he sent them ahead and wants a consult from those doctors as well. Her brain is still swollen, the fluid won't stop building up and they have no clue. When she goes to SJ they will do a brain biospy and put a shunt in at the same time. Scray I know but it has to be done.

Then to top off my sick, stressed out week it has come to light that my neice might be coming to live with me, I can't give any details yet and I don't want to discuss why but I'm hoping she does. When she was little (like 4) she said to me one night "Aunt I wish you were my mommy". I said "I wish I was too honey"..........

So its been quite a week already and its only Tuesday, wow!

Whine, Whine.......

I'm sick! Well I'm getting there.

I wonder if its because I've been into the germ infested hospital too much, I swear I cleaned my hands going in and coming out, didn't touch anything I didn't have to......

I'll just bet!

Either way my head hurts, my neck is sore, my back is achy and I'm so tired.

Whine, whine........I want to go home..........I don't feel good......I hate summer colds.

Stong Enough to Bend?

Ok so I've had a very stressful past month and I thought it was calming down but as of late last ngiht that is not the case at all.

Remember I've written about my friend and how they keep saying she has this and that and not to worry, she'll be ok and then she isn't?

Well were back to a tumour! My god please people this is crazy! They told her she was going to be going home and now this afternoon I called and she can't see again and her head is pounding and they have ordered an emergency lumbar puncture, she is in terrible pain and scared to death!

I just want to scream at these people, the MRI type test (more specific) was suppose to happen sooner but the Dr. (specialist no less) messed up the order and such and other things (I'm not 100% of that story) and it didn't happen on Monday as scheduled.

I am convinced that today is the day they notify her that she does have a tumour. I'm basically preparing myself for that news, I need to be somewhat prepared for that call because I need to move forward in order to be able to handle the emotions she is going to go through.

Life isn't fair, makes you wonder how and why these things happen to the people they do. Plus, you never think it could be you or you, or you or me! But it can be, just as easily as it is my friend.

BTW, I agreed 2 weeks ago if it is a tumour I'd shave my head with her - yeah it was a "make her happy" decision, I'm kind of regretting that now? I wonder if the halloween bald mask would fool her?

It might be a stinkin' cold winter? Bring toques!

Boys R Dumb, even little boys....

April has always said she thought I hated little boys and I would laugh and say "stop it I don't hate little boys but they aren't my favourite"......Well my view has sinced changed as of yesterday. I dislike boys very much.

Our T-Ball party was yesterday and we have only one family that I dread, mom is useless and refuses to even help out when I ask for volunteers, she has 5 boys but only the youngest is on the team but every single week at least 2 others come with her and these boys climb on the fences, right up to the top of the back stop, I've kicked them off over and over and one week I went over and said "do you boys not understand English? Get off the backstop and do not go near the fences EVER!, stay off MY field!" as all the parents stood there and their mother, what did she do? Absolutely nothing. Other parents make comments about these kids being so unruly.

And I want to point out that her boy who is on the team is just fine, other than asking tons of questions and begging for his brothers to have an "at bat" he is an eager player, runs hard and has learned a lot this year. {see I can find the good in some boys}

Well yesterday she brought all 5 boys ranging from 5 - 16 and to top it all off she brought another family of 3 children (boys too) with her to a T-Ball Team FAMILY Fun Day! WTF? These kids did not play, and their mother.....um yeah just as useless and a PITA as the other one.

The family with the kid who didn't play that oldest boy; as we set up to watch the year end DVD of the kids sat in front of the TV that was in the back of our van, yeah dummy how is everyone else going to see the screen if your butt is in front of it. Hubby went over and moved him 3 times, yes I said 3 not once but 3 times....ok are ya dense or what?

Oh I could never be a teacher! I spent all afternoon fighting these kids off of myself and the other kids and my god bring food out and the "crows" came...these boys I seriously believe did not get any food yesterday but what we fed them, now only one child played this year and her other 4 boys PLUS the other 3 she brought with her went foolish, I mean come on?

When the Pinata came out I thought I would Hemorrhage. We were only allowing the ball team children to hit the pinata but the other children also would get candy well hubby was literally holding them back, just these kids from the 2 families, the other children, whose parents looks after their children or CARE what their kids do - these kids sat patiently on the bench for their turn....oh those sweet children - who I might add were boys too!

In my defence we had boys on the team this year, girls were the majority but we did have boys and the boys on my team overall were sweet little boys who listened and did very well, I was very proud of all of my team. Some of these kids have real potential if they keep it up.

Please parents if your kid is on a team or doing something where there are volunteer parents, for god sakes offer to help, keep your kid at bay, remove him from the chaos, when you have 20+ kids on a field and your goal is to teach and keep all children safe you don't need that bad seed pinching, hitting, pushing or whacking other kids......my god I was so glad when it was all over.

To top it all off the dense boy I speak of that his family came and didn't even play.....yeah he came over and said "can I have a movie too", I said "were you on the team?" He stared at me with his mouth open, so I repeated my question "were you on the team {pause} no you weren't move on its time for everyone to leave, party's over".......like OMG you want a movie of other children playing T-Ball? I just shook my head. Hubby said "they just came for the free stuff anything they could get their hands on".........

Its NOT a tumour

I just got word that my friend does not have a tumour, well it is but its not benign.

She has whats called a 'Pseudotumour Cerebri', info about it is....

Pseudotumour cerebri literally means "false brain tumour." It is likely due to high pressure caused by the buildup or poor absorption of cerebrospinal fluid in the subarachnoid space surrounding the brain. The disorder is most common in women between the ages of 20 and 50. Symptoms of pseudotumour cerebri, which include headache, nausea, vomiting, and pulsating intracranial noises, closely mimic symptoms of brain tumours.

I am so relieved and was in tears when she told me, her biggest hurddle is she must lose weight, it is a must, must, must or she could lose her vision.

They are keeping her the weekend to keep an eye on her and make sure her meds are going to keep the spinal fluid from building up in her brain, she should be able to control it with meds but if not she requires to have the shunt put in, which she does not want, it is very dangerous to have, especially living on a remote island.

My belly is doing flip flops and my eyes are stinging, I've been in such a state for 2 weeks that even this information makes me so happy.

Thanks to those of you who inquired and gave me a ear to talk to.

what the?

OMG! It happened again!

Today at lunch I'm driving down Prospect Street, I look over and see this kid from the front seat starring at me and talking to me, he was oh maybe about 3 years old.

I looked a little more (all the while driving down Prospect St at lunch time) to see this little boy sitting on some guys knee!

Yes you read that right a 3 year old in the front seat on some guys knee and the kicker - No seatbelt on either one.

Buddy was holding a Tim's coffee in the other hand, with the one hanging out the window.

Hows that for ya?

Losing Time

I know some of you will be shocked at this but.......lateley................I've been running behind, late even for different events, not having what I need when I get there because I'd forgotten it.

I know crazy huh?

I figure this must have something to do with my age, or not eating properly or just too much going on and everyone coming at me from all angles? Not sure but I knew some of you would be suprised to hear this.

The sun, where is the sun, I'm dying here. I need sun, our vacation was completely ruined because of no sun. Not fair that 2 entire weeks was sucky.

Last night I whined and went on about having nothing to eat, I'm tired of trying to figure out what to eat all over again, there is so much of what I ate before that has dairy in it. I'm frustrated. I'm thinking I may have to visit a dietician to straighten that out? I'm sleepy from the stinkin' weather and I feel I'm at the end of my rope in so many other facets of life.

When will the insanity stop? This weekend I'm going to be lazy, no camping for us, heck I'd be stupid to attempt that again!

Sunday is our T-ball party for 2 hours I can manage that but Friday and Saturday are going to be do nothing days - nothing I say! Well sleep and eat. :o)

Proud as Punch

Last night my older group of T Ball kids went to Burtts Corner to play ball against their kids. Well I was a little leary of how well our kids had the whole ball concept and able to play a game.

Needless to say, even though we were short a few the kids were amazing and most of the parents were shocked as well, our kids really have it down, they played very well (to the best of their ability).

I am very proud of them and I wanted to make sure you knew how proud I am. These kids amaze me every single week with their talents.

Way 2 Go Team!

Who, What, Where to now?

I had an amazingly wet weekend camping out but I have to say its been one of the best weekends of camping ever.

We went with another couple who have a little girl a year younger than ours and they played together so well that we were just amazed, there was no tattling, to crying, no body trying to up the other, it was amazing these girls played together for 3 hours straight in our camper no less and we had to keep checking on them because they were so quiet, every now and again a giggle would break out on them but they were good as gold.

The other mom & dad said they were amazed as well as their usual camping friends have a boy and the 2 just do not see eye to eye.

Our girls played so well together that is was 11 pm before we even notied it and then one would come stumbling out to say "I'm tired, I need to go to bed"...I know another crazy act but that is how it was. We agreed to camp together again and again.

Upon my return home this weekend I had a message on my phone from my friend saying "hi, I'm back in the hospital, I can't see again, call me".

Yes! Flippin' great! My friend is back in the hospital and cannot see and they feel all of the fluid has come back within 24 hours, they are keeping her, today will mean a lot more tests, they are discussing sending her to Saint John and she could end up having some sort of surgury by weeks end. They are talking about having a shunt put in, now with her living on that god for saken island with a shunt, I'm sorry not a shunt and stint {what the hell do I know, this is all new to me} she can run into a lot of troubles, infections are typical with this device. Do you have any idea how secluded they are down there? Very MUCH!

So its still touch and go for her and we still have no answers. She is feeling very down and is scared to death, if she is in Saint John she is far away from me and her family, although some of her "island family" has agreed to go down. I'm just so beside myself, why plan a surgury when you have no idea what is going on? Damn Doctors!

Last night while talking she said "if I need brain surgury will you come down before it and say it good-bye".......I was like "what the hell is wrong with you? Smarten the hell up! I was pretty upset by that". She is already talking about not coming out of surgury, she is planning for the worst and so I gave her a little peice of my mind and the fact that her odds are good and she'd better change her tune or else.

What the hell is going on here? I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone?

Nuts!

Its been quite a week to say the least, a test of many things.

The good news is my friend does not have a tumor, they ruled that out yesterday through a lumbar puncture and yes they are extremely painful, she was in a lot of pain last night, they kept her overnight for observation. The bad news was she had a large amount of "extra" or built up fluid on her brain causing the swelling and pressure so they removed a huge amount, which in my opinion seemed to be a little too much but it certainly explained the brain cracking headache she had.

I spent a few hours in the hospital with she and her hubby last evening and I'm confident I kept their mind off of the obvious stress they are experiencing. Between trying to get her hubby to pick through the "soiled linen's" bin and figuring out how we could make her bed in a tent (since she was in the hall), and then promising to tickle her she was laughing at least and forgot about the pain at some parts.

Now she gets a little nasty when her hubby and I get going.......we were trying to diagnose others in there, we were convinced one guy has sleep apnea (sp?) his convulsing gave it away. One lady had the sheriff coming for her but in the end they took her up to "the floor" from what we heard. Being beside the nurses station is very informative. Also when the "customer service" is unbelieveable, we had every single nurse (who let me say were all super nice to us) ask each time they went by if my friend was ok, they ordered extra dope for her and everything. None for us, we tried. :o)

In the end, test results are not in yet but this fluid they removed is very important and it is being tested for everything and (fingers crossed) it will explain a lot of things and remove a lot of doubt.

She is headed home today, (home, home) and that is a good thing, she misses her kids and she is going to be sore and have her headache for a little longer.

I am so thankful she is in my life and that I have her, the thought of almost losing her was too much to bear. You have no idea how many times it crossed my mind this week that I wish she and I were "blood sisters" but just having her is good enough.

SAD

I am very sad these days. My brain is so consumed with what might happen and what will happen and how are we going to deal with it.

Since late November my best friend has been battling some sort of virus and sickness. It was initially thought she was just fatigued, many doctors checked her out.

We have feared it was MS all along.

It appears that it may very well be MS now. From yesterday she has had 3 doctors look at her and a couple more sometime today or tomorrow. Her first appt was with her eye doctor who discovered her brain is swelling and putting pressure on her optic nerve, from there he took action and the ball has started to roll fast.

It appears the MS is agressive from what she has been told by that eye doctor and others since. Although back in May the doctors said they could not confirm or deny it was MS she would have to wait for it progress before they could be certain.

I'm sorry but that totally makes no sense to me. Many a nights we've been on the phone discussing why, how come, what for, they cannot diagnose it with science and technology today how the hell can they not confirm it?

I've shed tears and I know she will read this eventually and she will know how I feel about it.

She is 32, a young mother of 3 children young children who has her entire life ahead of her. I told her this is just a glitch that we will overcome together and once she can start to get meds this will help a lot.

Although the kicker to this story is they do not have any health insurance.

All I can say to this is we will figure something out, the money will be collected and found one way or another, I've already started to consider what fundraisers could be worked on.

She is scared, worried and the unknown outcome is the worst but with people around who love her and will protect her and take care of her she will come through this, stronger and better than ever!

Please everyone say a prayer for her and give her the strength she needs to get through this week and next and from then on.

Respect

I know this is going to sound so "jessie" from BB 10 but I'm sick and tired of not getting any respect! What does a person have to do, stand on my head and spit quaters, PhD maybe?

This entire weekend has been nothing but a downer, first my mom's family messed up plans and then tried to pin them on me, yeah I'm the one who still has my memory their senior citizens.......lets not forget that! Oh right, you forgot! Then they laughed about it and didn't even say they were sorry, oh thats right because that word doesn't exsist in your dictionary.

I've got a 6 year old who thinks she 16 and acts like it. Well that got squashed super fast because I was pissed! Every eye roll, every talk back, anything close to disrespect bought her a one way ticket to her room for 6 minutes. After about 1 hour of that she figured out that she best turn her frown upside down and a little less talk was good for her future of freedom!

Then today, oh today, today did it! I let her go nextdoor to grammy's house, when she came back I put her in the shower and she said to me "I was watching a show with auntie where a man was having his birthday and he was trying to figure out how to kill himself".

I said "what?", so she repeated it. You watched that next door? With Auntie? What? Really?

So I said "I'll be right back" and went to call them on the phone, and she said "yeah", I said "I would rather she not watch big people shows with that type of content, next time turn the channel or turn it off, that would make me a happy camper - ok?"

Get this she says in a condescending voice "yeah". I almost flipped my lid. I am still so very upset. The last person in this world whom I figured would do my child wrong did.

Am I over-reacting? Really am I?

I just don't think watching that is necessary when your 6, why subject a little person to that? Why add to the already jumbled thoughts in their head over stuff?

Honestly, did I over-react? Be honest.

Frustration

Here's a tip!

When making plans with someone, you should ensure you've confirmed them! AUGH!

I have a family in town from Ontario, my mom had me make arrangements to have dinner with them at a restaurant, so I called and I tried to make plans, gave her options, she said "alright", I said "call me back, let me know what you decide".

She said "whats your phone number"

I gave it to her.

no call, no call, no call, no call

Mom is puzzled and I am not suprised! Time passes and I say screw that, I'll make my own plans.

Lo and behold they go to the restaurant, can't figure out why we aren't there, then they go to the "other suggested" restaurant and my god we aren't there either and they can't imagine why?

Why? Cuz you couldn't pin down for sure which restaurant YOU wanted to go to! That is why you took my phone number SO YOU COULD CALL ME BACK!

Stupid people make me angry! Its worse when they are related.