It is almost impossible for me to stay on the Sunny Side of things. OMG! It kills me! I am such a realistic, pessimistic person that I scare myself sometimes, I have gut instincts and have learned to stick with them, they are right most of the time.
I don't trust people, I think there is something seriously wrong with people who are constantly happy, who are always smiling, I mean really, how can a person truely be happy all the time?
I don't get that?
Although I do envy those people, lucky for them. On the other hand they might be having real issues of their own and have no idea how to voice them and just push them deep down? Who knows?
Someone told me last week that I was "real", at least I don't hide what I'm thinking or try to be something I'm not, no this is true but sometimes I am just way to raw, my filter just won't stay on. I am not a fake person, I am who I am, I am a person who thinks for themselves and makes my own decisions.
I am sorry if that isn't what I am supposed to be, but it is what it is.
I get mad, I have feeling so of hate, jealously, envy, and yes I even have feelings of love, pride, and all that gooey stuff too! Even though those feelings are the hardest to show.
I do have expectations of people and things & places.
I am a person, I am female and I do stand up for what I think is right and good.
I am not sorry for that.
Don't be fake, don't try to be secreative, just be who you are, try being real, life is way easier, no covering up........it will just be real, the real you.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Growl, Snarl, Roar-r-r-r
I hate me, I hate me, I hate me right now, why am I so mad at him? I could just claw his eyes out right now. The sight of him makes me want to pack my bag and run far, far, far away and never return.
I hate feeling this way, being this way! Oh the frustration. I honestly do not think it all him but I'm going to feel better by blaming it ALL on him here.
Men are so dumb it isn't funny! Like hell they can't tell when we are getting mad, upset or ready to scream and kick. Horse shit they don't see it. They choose not to see it.
I swear to god if he says one more time that I could do dishes too I might send my foot right up his ass! Not my problem dude. If you weren't so half-assed backwards in doing it and actually did it the smart person way you wouldn't feel like you are always doing dishes. He makes such a big time over doing dishes and whines and goes on that it drives me up the wall, no wonder I run and hide and can't be found.
"You could help out more you know"
But of course he argues that he didn't "say" I wasn't pulling my weight..no of course not he did not say that, I am putting words in his mouth. Yes well you tell me what he is saying? Hmm who put the food in the fridge & freezer this week, who makes sure you have socks and underwear, toothpaste, toothbrushes? Hmmmm? Fairies I suppose do all that? Who changes the bedding and the GD bathroom hand towel OMG nobody changes that GD towel but me, so forgive me if you get all pissy when you go in there and there isn't ANY towel because I've put the used one in the hamper and did NOT put a new clean one up, yes I did that for months and each time you ran out to inform me that I didn't replace it..........and each time I told him that nobody bothered to care it was put in the hamper...hmmm go figure?
As much as everyone says "oh how lucky you are your husband does housework" I say big deal, he lives there too and if you knew the bitching and moaning he does you wouldn't think I was so lucky, I'm just pig-headed and stubborn and refuse to let his baby boy actions get the better of me, that asshat is going to do the dishes no matter how much he goes on about it!!!!!
Ok so on the flip side......I do the laundry (after he carries it down the stairs). I sort it, wash it, dry it and he puts it away. How is it that is asking too much? He watches TV all Sunday afternoon in the bedroom, so why not he be the one to fold and put away, he's in there anyway?
One more thing (I promise), when my allergies were discovered he PROMISED if we kept the cat he would make sure the floors were always clean of fur and dust, PROMISED me. Guess what? I am the one always sweeping and scrubbing and swiffering in the house because I am so tired of feeling like crap and waiting for him to do it, remember he is busy doing dishes?
So I am sure you are asking what I do right? Well when you put it down on paper I guess not a lot of the daily things.....I make the meals, clean the fridge out on garbage days, clean the bathroom, kitchen counter tops, sinks, change bedding, laundry, buy groceries and assorted everything, go to the bank, keep 3 people clothed, go through the drawers to throw out old items that do not fit or are too old, tidy/clean shoes, mittens, hats, etc......get rid of the bags of old clothes...........lets not forget I do all birthday, Christmas, etc....shopping as well.
So would you say the duties are fair or not? Maybe I'm delusional? If it is any consilation when he is away the fire is made, the dishes are all cleaned up, etc.......
I hate feeling this way, being this way! Oh the frustration. I honestly do not think it all him but I'm going to feel better by blaming it ALL on him here.
Men are so dumb it isn't funny! Like hell they can't tell when we are getting mad, upset or ready to scream and kick. Horse shit they don't see it. They choose not to see it.
I swear to god if he says one more time that I could do dishes too I might send my foot right up his ass! Not my problem dude. If you weren't so half-assed backwards in doing it and actually did it the smart person way you wouldn't feel like you are always doing dishes. He makes such a big time over doing dishes and whines and goes on that it drives me up the wall, no wonder I run and hide and can't be found.
"You could help out more you know"
But of course he argues that he didn't "say" I wasn't pulling my weight..no of course not he did not say that, I am putting words in his mouth. Yes well you tell me what he is saying? Hmm who put the food in the fridge & freezer this week, who makes sure you have socks and underwear, toothpaste, toothbrushes? Hmmmm? Fairies I suppose do all that? Who changes the bedding and the GD bathroom hand towel OMG nobody changes that GD towel but me, so forgive me if you get all pissy when you go in there and there isn't ANY towel because I've put the used one in the hamper and did NOT put a new clean one up, yes I did that for months and each time you ran out to inform me that I didn't replace it..........and each time I told him that nobody bothered to care it was put in the hamper...hmmm go figure?
As much as everyone says "oh how lucky you are your husband does housework" I say big deal, he lives there too and if you knew the bitching and moaning he does you wouldn't think I was so lucky, I'm just pig-headed and stubborn and refuse to let his baby boy actions get the better of me, that asshat is going to do the dishes no matter how much he goes on about it!!!!!
Ok so on the flip side......I do the laundry (after he carries it down the stairs). I sort it, wash it, dry it and he puts it away. How is it that is asking too much? He watches TV all Sunday afternoon in the bedroom, so why not he be the one to fold and put away, he's in there anyway?
One more thing (I promise), when my allergies were discovered he PROMISED if we kept the cat he would make sure the floors were always clean of fur and dust, PROMISED me. Guess what? I am the one always sweeping and scrubbing and swiffering in the house because I am so tired of feeling like crap and waiting for him to do it, remember he is busy doing dishes?
So I am sure you are asking what I do right? Well when you put it down on paper I guess not a lot of the daily things.....I make the meals, clean the fridge out on garbage days, clean the bathroom, kitchen counter tops, sinks, change bedding, laundry, buy groceries and assorted everything, go to the bank, keep 3 people clothed, go through the drawers to throw out old items that do not fit or are too old, tidy/clean shoes, mittens, hats, etc......get rid of the bags of old clothes...........lets not forget I do all birthday, Christmas, etc....shopping as well.
So would you say the duties are fair or not? Maybe I'm delusional? If it is any consilation when he is away the fire is made, the dishes are all cleaned up, etc.......
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday's
The day is almost done, yeah me! No it isn't really, I have way more to do.
It is Brownie night and I am leading the meeting tonight, can you say Lucky Me? Yep lucky me, we now have 8 little girls and they are all chattering and have a hard time focusing and attempting to get anything done can be challenging at times when I am not there (I have been told). :=)
As you know I am a bit of a slave driver. These girls are funny girls.
Wish me luck I make it through the evening and home to my bed so I can be toasty warm and snuggly.
It is Brownie night and I am leading the meeting tonight, can you say Lucky Me? Yep lucky me, we now have 8 little girls and they are all chattering and have a hard time focusing and attempting to get anything done can be challenging at times when I am not there (I have been told). :=)
As you know I am a bit of a slave driver. These girls are funny girls.
Wish me luck I make it through the evening and home to my bed so I can be toasty warm and snuggly.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Gah!
I am stuck at home today, my kiddo appeared to have Pink Eye last evening or the start of it, this morning she wasn't any worse but wasn't any better so she couldn't go to school or daycare.
Damn!
Luckily it isn't any worse so I am deeming it NOT to be Pink Eye.....for now?
Although I have a fantastic MIL who loves to have B stay with her, I opted to stay home because the first round of eye drops I gave her took both of us to wrestle her down and hold her while she is screeching and fighting, that little bugger is damn tuff! She kicked dad in the chest and knocked the wind from him, she clubbed me in the arm and it hurt like hell, which only made me madder and I sat on her arms/chest. For the love of god!
So here I am, I have cleaned the bathroom, completed 2 loads of laundry, made lunch, has a fire going, cleaning the basement to get ready to put up gyp roc this weekend.
God I love working from home. I can accomplish so much!
BTW, I have all my scrapbook stuff packed up and ready to go, I even started journalling the pages, rough drafts, quick notes of course but yeah me!
Damn!
Luckily it isn't any worse so I am deeming it NOT to be Pink Eye.....for now?
Although I have a fantastic MIL who loves to have B stay with her, I opted to stay home because the first round of eye drops I gave her took both of us to wrestle her down and hold her while she is screeching and fighting, that little bugger is damn tuff! She kicked dad in the chest and knocked the wind from him, she clubbed me in the arm and it hurt like hell, which only made me madder and I sat on her arms/chest. For the love of god!
So here I am, I have cleaned the bathroom, completed 2 loads of laundry, made lunch, has a fire going, cleaning the basement to get ready to put up gyp roc this weekend.
God I love working from home. I can accomplish so much!
BTW, I have all my scrapbook stuff packed up and ready to go, I even started journalling the pages, rough drafts, quick notes of course but yeah me!
Friday, January 14, 2011
2011
I guess it is time for me to add a new post, first one of the year even!
2011 did not start off on the right foot, and I suspect the year will be a challenging one to say the least, and maybe it will be uneventful? One really never knows with medical issues?
Either way, I am going to stay status quo and go from there. I did not make any new years resolutions, I was too tired to even think about that or to even ring in the new year.
I have unknowingly made some changes in my life that I am happy to report.
I have not smoked this year.
I have not drank alcohol this year.
I have not got upset and thought about giving up the gym because the fight is too hard.
I have been looking on the bright side to many different scenario's.
I have decided to be happy at work no matter what.
I have realized I can only do what I can do and am ok with having work left on my desk that I did not get to.
Happy 2011 to everyone! I wish you all health, happiness & prosperity in the year to come!
2011 did not start off on the right foot, and I suspect the year will be a challenging one to say the least, and maybe it will be uneventful? One really never knows with medical issues?
Either way, I am going to stay status quo and go from there. I did not make any new years resolutions, I was too tired to even think about that or to even ring in the new year.
I have unknowingly made some changes in my life that I am happy to report.
I have not smoked this year.
I have not drank alcohol this year.
I have not got upset and thought about giving up the gym because the fight is too hard.
I have been looking on the bright side to many different scenario's.
I have decided to be happy at work no matter what.
I have realized I can only do what I can do and am ok with having work left on my desk that I did not get to.
Happy 2011 to everyone! I wish you all health, happiness & prosperity in the year to come!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
His Daughter
I am no doubt my fathers daughter.
That no filtration system you all talk about, is genetics and I am proud to say it works extremely well. I am my fathers daughter and very proud of it.
My father is in the hospital and it appears 2011 will have us making many visits to that godawful place for many tests, and trip to the doctors offices, up until this week I had said I did not want to be the one responsible for my parents, I did not deserve to be the only one willing to do it at all.
I realized this week I am the only one strong enough to be able to manage it. Little do they know I put up a brave face but behind the scene's it is killing me, but unlike the others I have god given common sense to realize I'm all they've got and they looked after me and now its my turn to return the favour!
When the call came at 3am that my father was taken by ambulance and I should get to the hospital right away I was convinced I was going to arrive and a nurse was going to tell my my father had already died before I got there, before I had a chance........ Luckily I was wrong! Thankfully I was wrong.
Unfortunately my dad is a sick puppy and we have learned that no matter what you stop doing to your body right NOW the punishment you do to your body parts stays with you forever, bullshit that your organs repair, they don't, they can't, what you're born with is all you have and are going to have until you die or you punish them so bad they cut out early and kill you.
Take care of your innards, they are all you have; don't drink excessively, stop smoking, stop everything! Eat Well, Exercise, Take Care of yourself or else! Even then you're guaranteed anything, even the best of people die from cancer or whatever the hell else.........
When did life become so complicated and confusing?
That no filtration system you all talk about, is genetics and I am proud to say it works extremely well. I am my fathers daughter and very proud of it.
My father is in the hospital and it appears 2011 will have us making many visits to that godawful place for many tests, and trip to the doctors offices, up until this week I had said I did not want to be the one responsible for my parents, I did not deserve to be the only one willing to do it at all.
I realized this week I am the only one strong enough to be able to manage it. Little do they know I put up a brave face but behind the scene's it is killing me, but unlike the others I have god given common sense to realize I'm all they've got and they looked after me and now its my turn to return the favour!
When the call came at 3am that my father was taken by ambulance and I should get to the hospital right away I was convinced I was going to arrive and a nurse was going to tell my my father had already died before I got there, before I had a chance........ Luckily I was wrong! Thankfully I was wrong.
Unfortunately my dad is a sick puppy and we have learned that no matter what you stop doing to your body right NOW the punishment you do to your body parts stays with you forever, bullshit that your organs repair, they don't, they can't, what you're born with is all you have and are going to have until you die or you punish them so bad they cut out early and kill you.
Take care of your innards, they are all you have; don't drink excessively, stop smoking, stop everything! Eat Well, Exercise, Take Care of yourself or else! Even then you're guaranteed anything, even the best of people die from cancer or whatever the hell else.........
When did life become so complicated and confusing?
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