Did you know I have a hard shell surrounding me? Did you? Yeah you probably already did, but let me tell you something shocking......I didn't....not to the extent that I've been informed it is?
I brushed it off before to me just being me.
Well recently I've had a professional explain it to me, a professional broke it down for me.
Did you know that the reason people come to me (my family) for help and assistance and guidance is because I can be trusted to get it done?
Did you know the reason I am signed up for just about everything going and involved in so many things is because people know I can get the job done?
Did you know that the reason people ask me questions is because I am going to tell them the truth?
The reason I am the "go to girl" on every front is because I have the ability to Get R Done no matter at what cost it is to me?
Did you know that?
Well I did not. Why is this? Because of my family dynamics....who would have thought?
Basically I am the one person that when asked to do something (no matter that is) I will make sure it gets done and done well. This is why my parents know they can ask me to do anything or ask my opinion and I will tell them exactly like it is. This is why I have a family member call me when he needs bailed out of jail at 3am in the stinkin' morning! Because he knows I'll come for him.
But little do they know........I am basically an M&M candy....hard candy coated shell on the outside that won't melt in your hands and nothing but chocolate mush on the inside. You ask DH, I am so indecisive and have no clue what to really do, I get sick to my stomach, headaches, freak out, throw up when put in a decision making role. I'm nervous and have no absolute idea what the heck to do, I do my best and luckily I'm usually ok.......but if it blows up then I take complete responsibility and feel sick to my stomach, throw up and headache afterward because it was my fault it was all a mess........
Its a double edge sword to say the least.
I have been informed that people have absolutely NO idea that I cannot handle it because I don't let them know it. Even when I say "I don't know if I can do it" they brush me off and say "sure you can"......Apparently nobody has any clue I'm really like that because they don't see it. I did not know this....this is news to me.
I am hardest on myself, I end up losing out because of my turtle shell. I don't like to say no but a person can only do so much and thanks to my DH he makes me say no.
3 comments:
Profound, what somebody completely removed from our life can pinpoint in your demenour. I bet you never looked at yourself that way, almost like an out of body experience. Or did you look at your self like that but just needed somebody to confirm it?
I did have to giggle when you compared yourself with a M&M, couldn't of been a Reeces Peices eh - LOL!
I'm the peanut M&M cause really I'm a nut.
You know, being the it girl has its ups and downs. It's good that you can be counted on but it also sucks that they always go to you. I know, I'm in the same boat. Sometimes I just wish people would fix things on their own and just leave me out of it. I'm tired of being the one to do all their dirty work for them because they don't know how or can't be bothered. If they don't know how maybe it's time they learned and if they can't be bother than why should I?!!!
When you refered yourself to an M&M I thought of white rappers and my favorite little candy. I think I need to go and buy some M&Ms now.
I was just like that...then I met Danny :) Now I say no...accept only the tasks I chose and trust in myself. Deep breath Mel - You're better then you know :) Don't hold yourself accountable to other peoples expectations...nobody should ever have to feel like that.
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