That is No way to Start

I can finally put all of the events of this morning together and finally laugh.

The morning started out with hubby leaving at 5:30, he thinks waking me to tell me the alarm is set is a good idea.......nope not so much!

The alarm goes off at 6am, I so don't want to get up, my head is stuffed up and that totally sucks.

I go to the bathroom and begin getting ready. My lovely and beautiful daughter saunters in to pee and informs me she is headed back to bed at 6:15 am. Oh hell no.

I say "don't think so, here wash your face it will wake you up". I am still going back to bed. I look at her with one eye make up'd and say would you like to say that again little girl? No response, if it were warmer and night time you would have heard crickets.

As she walks out I suggest she get her clothes on and meet me in the kitchen in 5 minutes....and lo and behold she does! Super!

I offer her an egg, she says no
I offer her cereal, she says no
I say then what will you have? She says yogurt, I say yes and something else, get your yogurt
She gets it and says "ewe its whole wheat"....WTH Yogurt cannot be whole wheat? Its not WW its pumped with fibre, the peach skin is left on the peach chunks, she says "I'm not eating that YUCK".

I say you are eating it, you requested it when I did groceries this week, how was I to know, I had no idea...eat it NOW! She grumbles and groans but eventually eats it, then announces she wants an egg.....sorry stove is closed, no egg now, too late, you said no to my first offer, next?

She wants cereal but once its poured she's full - quel suprise! I tell her to be quiet and eat half of it. Now I'm grumbling.....

All of a sudden I have a huge pink string hanging down my pants, I pull it, and pull it and pull it, I say WTH? Finally it rips off. I go finish my hair, come back out to eat my cereal and I ask the child to go brush her hair and teeth...she said "I don't want to". Which only pisses me off more.

If I wanted a piss poor attitude I would have called my mother to chat so you child aren not pullin' that shit today or any other day on this nasty I hate mornings bitch!!!!! (I thought to myself).

I then inform her that her birthday this weekend..I don't want to, riding lessons ... I don't want to, anything you want? I DON'T WANT TO! Put that in your pipe and smoke it cuz the little bit you gotta do doesn't even compare to the crap we have to do so when we ask you to do something you'll do it and you'll do with a grin on your face or the next time you really want something I won't WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You got me? Capice!

I head back to bathroom for a pee and that stupid pink thread is all over me, what the hell? I pull it and you know what?

Its the elastic band of my panties, nothing was left of them, all elastic was gone, I had unravelled half of them. Sigh....off I go to change them. I am running late now at this point.

Luckily the child is ready to go.

We get out to the car and I dont' have a watch - crap!
I go for my cell phone and its not in my POCKET - SHIT!

Can you guess where it was?

On the bed when I changed my underwear it fell out of my pocket so I ran back in for it.

That was my morning.....are you tired yet?