Enuff Reason

I know I've given more than enough reasons to feel bad for me and the family I live in but let me give you one more.

I called my mother this morning and she says "did I tell you about your father, he almost died"?

Me: Um no ya didn't what happened now?

Mom: Well the other he was bound and determind he wanted salmon and fiddleheads for supper so I made it for him, he left at 4:30 to go to the water house and he came back at 5:30 when he came in the door he collapsed to the floor, said his back hurt and he couldn't breath

Me: What happened and what did you do next

Mom: called Tawyna

Me: you did what? What the hell was she going to do? How about 9-1-1?

Mom: I'm not calling "them", he said his back hurt so he took a tylenol then 10 minutes later he vomited and vomited.....

Me: what did you do next, since you were willing to watch him die?

Mom: He wasn't dying, Tawyna looked it up on that computer and said he must have been having an allergy attack to the salmon, but he's ok to eat lobster and other stuff

Me: WTF are you saying?

Mom: well Salmon is from the river

Me: from the river, are you nuts!

Mom: They aren't from the sea?

Me: Um yeah cuz its really the f'in sea he's allergic to Mom, so what are you having tonight? Shrimp?

For fuck sakes, kill me now, the man could have died but hell we would have been saying what a shame, we thought it was only a "river allergy".